3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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