i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
