cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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