Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize