um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
