the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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