i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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