We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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