she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
