I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
