i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
