I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize