In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
