I wanna passion pit in your ass
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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