I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
