dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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