The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize