But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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