Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
