ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
