Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
