i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
