Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
