So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
