That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
