She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
