I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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