I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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