I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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