Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
