I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
