She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
