I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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