I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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