you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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