i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
