so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
