Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
