you would pick up someone in the library
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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