do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize