I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
