there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
