Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
