what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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