I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
