My friends, they love my intelligence
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
