I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
