i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
