You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
