S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
