I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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