I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
