don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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