so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
