Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
