Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
where are my eyebrows?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
