yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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