If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
