There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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