This is not my ceiling
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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