True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
