look no pants
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize