Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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