i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
