did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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