Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
