I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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