No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
