i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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