Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
