this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
