alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well most of my day revolves around power hour
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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