Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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