next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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